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| Aunt Ellen and Alan’s Girls: Amanda and Ashley |
Loss…We’ve all experienced it; we’ve all dealt with it, some of us better than others. Losing someone you love has a profound effect on you- who you are, who you were, who you will be! That sudden loss of a loved one: that unexpected call in the middle of the night, that senseless accident that took a life too young. We can’t prepare for it, we just react to it all…the shock, the loss, the questions…why? Why now? Why so young? Why didn’t I tell them what I wanted them to know? If only….
But…there’s also the other loss…slow burner loss; they are leaving us, at some point in the future: next year, next Christmas, next birthday. Sometimes, loss comes on slowly, warns you that it’s coming, gives you that chance, that opportunity, that moment…to do, to say, to honor their life… and yet, we don’t!
Why is it so hard to just…accept they will be leaving soon? Why can’t we embrace the joy of their life, the indelible mark they have left on our heart and the unique blessing they are to those they know? Why do we ignore the obvious? It just leads to the worst emotion: regret. Why can’t we pause and say….talk to me about your life?
I have done this twice in my life. My best friend, the sister I never had, Ellen, left us when she was just 42, after her second bout of stomach cancer. She was going to be the Lance Armstrong of Stomach Cancer, until…she wasn’t. She asked me to perform her funeral because she knew..I knew her best. Ellen asked me to share her life with those who would gather to honor her one last time. She asked me several times, “Is this going to be too hard for you? Should I get someone else?” I would say, “I will do this for you because I will honor you, then…I’ll go home and cry for a week—once it’s over!” and…I did.
So… during the last few months of her life, I interviewed her, determined NOT to assume: I knew her life, her accomplishments, her memories, her favorites—I needed her to tell me her memories!
Wow! The things I learned, the stories I didn’t know, the proud moments she had never shared before, the highlights-the fabric of her life-everything that created her tapestry!
Ten years later, I’m doing it again… with my Aunt Ciria. She’ll be 80 in July…I told her she will make it to that day, even if I have to drag her across the finish line! She laughed and said, “I hope so’”
Our family accepts that someday, she will not be here to tell her story, so…for that moment, she has asked me to tell it for her.
We have been talking, discussing, sharing…the fabric of her life…the stories that are uniquely hers, the memories that make her eyes glisten and the ones that make her eyes water.
So much I didn’t know; I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, but most of all, I’m sobered that this life of 80 years, well lived and remarkable… soon, may be silent.
And I am the one who is blessed for having the courage to…ask those questions! You know which ones…the hard ones!
So? Who are you slowly losing? Don’t they deserve your attention? Perhaps one story you may not have heard? Why not help them? Tell their story!
It’s sad -- Our American society discards our elderly, hiding them away in nursing homes… our faithful forgotten! While other societies honor and cherish their elderly!
The Word says ”Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of one of His saints!” (Psalm 116:15)
Heaven celebrates their arrival; why don’t we celebrate their departure?
Here’s your challenge — Ask those questions—then Tell somebody! They deserve this! A life well lived, for them AND you!
Until next time,
I’m Just Sayin’…
Brother “A”
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