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| “A life well lived—We are better for knowing you!” |
“I’m
Just Sayin’”
by Alan P. Scaglione
My
Nana Josephina always said “you know how well you lived by those who come to
your funeral. They don’t have to come because you are not there. They only
come, because you were there—in their life!”
How
true Nana, how true!
We
gathered together Friday to celebrate the life of my brother Joe.
As
a family, we had spent the week preparing for this day.
From
Monday’s “all day seminar” at the funeral home – he actually sent us out to
grab lunch because “this was gonna take a while!”
And
it did!
Then
on Tuesday, we started working on the particulars: the program for the funeral,
the eulogy, “who did what when”.
It’s
really difficult to make those decisions WHILE you are also trying to adjust to
the loss of your loved one.
Wednesday,
so many family members flew in or drove in—the day was spent getting them
situated, accommodated and acclimated.
Then
came Thursday—two different family gatherings-
One
with my brother’s wife and her family, in the afternoon.
It
was great to get together and to reminisce about the Joe they lost—they knew a man we didn’t know existed.
They
told us stories about his life apart from us—and we were so thankful to hear
what a wonderful life he had with them.
We
bonded as a family, one family, grieving the unexpected demise of someone we
all loved and adored.
Then
came our family gathering Thursday night—the nephew and 5 nieces, the cousin
and her family, and the remaining brothers and wives.
We
listened as the 3 nieces gave us a preview of their rendition of “Peter and
John” a song Joe had written for them many years ago.
We
cried and laughed as they sang and …. Even sang along on the “FaLaLaLaLa” part!
We
were touched again as the kids shared their memories of Uncle Joe—they started
to cry—we adults started to cry harder.
His
loss was so painful to them—they just thought he was going to get better—but, 5
weeks in the ICU later, he never did!
We
brought out old pictures of Joe and his
beloved daughter Nikki, and we all agreed that he and Nikki being back
together was the only good part of any of the pain we were enduring—and then we
passed more pictures of family times and family who are now reunited with Joe—a
helpful healing time.
In
between the two family gatherings, Thursday was also the prep day – approving
the program, finishing the eulogy, practicing the songs, coordinating with the
pastor.
Never
realize just what goes into planning a memorial—until you are “planning” a
memorial.
Friday
morning, 10 am- we were surprised by all of those who turned out to celebrate a
life well lived.
The
nieces brought the house down and caused the crowd to clap and sing along to “FaLaLaLaLa”
– Peter and John was a resounding hit!
I
spoke the eulogy- recounting stories and “Did you knows?” about my brother.
Sharing the time he kissed me on the cheek and shook his head yes that he was
proud of me. We laughed, we cried—but we all shared this man we loved so deeply.
The
pastor reminded us what Psalm 116:15 says “Precious in the sight of the Lord is
the death of one of his saints!”
Then…the miracle happened!
No,
he didn’t suddenly appear and was raised from the dead!
BUT…he did
come alive in that room…he really did!
We
opened the floor to family who wanted to share a moment- the nephew, the
nieces, the cousin, the brothers, the sister-in-law, the daughters, the
son-in-law, the brother-in-law…we all told of the way Joe touched our lives.
Then…we
opened it up for friends. Hands went up everywhere! The young man encouraged by
Joe not to give up! The co-worker who Joe encouraged to sing, and she said “I’m
doing this for Joe!” and broke into song…and brought down the house! The lady
who called him “Mr. Joe” and said how he always made her smile as they talked
about grandchildren. The church member who Joe encouraged to just “sing with
him!” Then there were the musical
friends who played guitar with him, swapping songs. Then the young man who said
Joe was like a grandfather to him!
And
then, his wife spoke! She thanked
everyone for sharing Joe with her, even though she was the one who shared
him with us!
The
pastor concluded with a statement that “you never know a life has been well
lived until you get to end of it and see…how well it’s been lived!”
And
two hours later, we looked around and saw Joe, alive in the people whose
lives he changed, by his songs, his words, his love!
And
we realized— you
really can judge a life by the people
who come to your funeral!
And I had to wonder—who’s gonna show up to
mine?Until Next Time
I’m Just Sayin’…
Brother “A”
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